I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
