whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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