Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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