He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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