My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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