The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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