I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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