I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
