Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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