so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
