so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
