i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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