hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
