I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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