If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
