so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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