Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
