Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
