I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
