a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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