The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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