Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
