He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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