i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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