you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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