someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
you would pick up someone in the library
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
