Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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