he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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