I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
FUCK WHALES
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
