Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
