She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
