I showed him my bush... on skype.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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