My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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