sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
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I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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