mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
