We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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