Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
