I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
