I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
