Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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