Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
