I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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