i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize