I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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