my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
