She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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