Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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