Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
