1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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