I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
