so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
