if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
