Its about making memories worth repressing
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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