so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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