WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
