Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
