"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
