with your own penis?
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
