Don't make out with my wife yet
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
