i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
