Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
