I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
