Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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