Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
