he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
