a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
