it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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