We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
