Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
