It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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