My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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